On Expectations....

You'll learn more about a road by traveling it than by consulting all the maps in the world.

My mom always harks on me about expectations.  At first I found it frustrating, but that was only because I knew she was right.  So often I go into a new situation with a billion great expectations, things I want to see happen, things I think will happen.  We all do it, right?  But so often I also set myself up for disappointment.  I think I know exactly what bends the road will take, but truth is, I have no idea until I'm on the road and in "real time."  and so I wonder: as an optimistic person, how do I live with a healthy, hopeful anticipation for the future while still remaining flexible and joyful with the outcome?

I began my semester in France without many concrete expectations.  At least, that's what I thought.  It's not really until the experience seems to be "lacking" something that you are faced with your expectations full-on.  For me, that moment happened, and I realized that I expected a lot more than I had owned up to.  I expected a full immersion experience, one where you never speak English and make only french friends.  I expected to become really involved with Le Feu, which is the student group of Christians that meets on the University campus, a group that I had heard rave reviews about and one into which I assumed I would assimilate easily.  I expected to get really connected with people at my church.  I expected to grow leaps and bounds in French, to end up the girl who soared above the others.  I expected to love France so much that I never missed home, let alone gave it much thought.  I expected so many things.

Reality is, these things never came to fruition...or much more often, they just played out differently than I thought they would.  It's hard to admit that, still.  I found it was really especially difficult to break into Le Feu and find community to the same extent that I had found it at Truman.  And that makes complete sense, looking back: community at Truman (and how amazing it is now that it's established!) took years to form.  In France, I felt like no one knew me, even as I tried to express myself and get past "small talk."  The language barrier was hard and deeply frustrating at times. I persevered with pursuing community at Le Feu by going to random events, a few Bible studies, a prayer session.... and each time I left encouraged. But for some reason it was a struggle to drag myself to the next event, maybe because of my inhibitions, maybe because it was uncomfortable (and aren't we all people of comfort?!), maybe because it was just plain hard and it wasn't working out the way I wanted.

But God is faithful, and I found community in other ways.  In many ways, I leaned on the community I had all along (but those thoughts are for another day....).

The only expectation worthy to carry long-term is the expectation that God will be who He says He is, and stay true to the promises He has spoken.  "Expect great things," my friend Amanda always says.  She can do that, and I can do that, and we all can do that, only based on the reality that God is a great God who does great things.  I don't think it's wrong to have expectations about life, and I'm still figuring out a good balance with all of that. 

I just know that the road we travel is one with surprises and failure, and one that we entirely didn't expect.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen. 

Hebrews 11:1