Il goût comme l'aventure.... ("It tastes like adventure..." --Delaney)

Life is always in transition here.  These days, I am experiencing so much, things that I always desperately want to write down, to remember.  I live moments with the persistently conscious desire to journal them later.  For awhile I felt a bit in a panic, like somehow this meant I wasn’t living in the moment, that I was constantly analyzing, that I was always trying to synthesize my experiences immediately.  However, I came around full circle.  Life, filled with beautiful moments I want to remember, is a beautiful life, indeed.  (from my journal, 10.20.09)

It’s taking place in my heart, in my head, in the way I am viewing this experience: change.  I’ve pulled through a lot of the uncertainty I was feeling about being here, a lot of the timidity with the language, a lot of the tension between missing home and really wanting to love and embrace my short time here.  I’ve thought so much, prayed about so many things….and it’s hard even now to update you completely on my life here as it is slowly, beautifully unfolding.  But lately, I’ve been thinking in images and metaphors; life has a poetic rhyme to it these days.  I hope I can convey just some of it to you, and I hope the Lord uses what He’s teaching me to encourage you.

FROSTED PEAKS…Yes, here I am talking about my mountains, again.  On Thursday I stopped dead in my tracks when I headed outside toward the city and saw the snow-covered peaks on the mountain range to my left.  For lack of words, it was stunning!  I literally covered my mouth, eyes open wide.  I had been waiting for this day when the first snow would appear, and it didn’t disappoint with its shockingly majestic aura.  Just as I swore I could never get tired of my view walking down to school each morning, the snow showed up; now the beauty is magnified.  It is altogether different and breathtaking.  And in a lot of ways, my Lord is revealing Himself to me in altogether different and breathtaking ways.  Just when I thought I had experienced something so completely rich in His glory and His grace, He takes what is beautiful and transforms it into new beauty.  For example, I am quite humbled and blessed by the many people He put in my life here to enrich my experience and to leave me quite UN-lonely.  I have an incredible network of friends going, international and French alike, whom I enjoy so much.   And yet last weekend, the Lord surprised me with three brand new American friends with whom I absolutely had a blast as we hiked in the Vercours mountains.  By the end of the day, I was joking and laughing with these girls like I had known them for years.  And early on, I found out that one of the girls, Emily, is a believer.  God is so good.

Or I think of the incredible support I’ve felt from my mom, dad, brothers, and friends back home.  People have been ridiculously good about writing to me (be it snail mail/email/facebook/comments on this post), and more importantly, good about letting me know they are praying for me.  I truly feel that God had given me so much blessing through the people I love whom I miss so much!  And then a surprise package came yesterday, with Jessie Elledge’s return address on it.  But not only was it from one of my best friends at Truman, but from about 15 other people whom I love so deeply!  Their individual letters of encouragement were truly savored yesterday on a park bench in a beautiful, serene corner of the city.  Their notes and gifts left me laughing, left me crying.  The Lord’s arms are wrapped around me tight these days.  He never ceases to astound me with how much He wants to love me, speak to me, and encourage me.

BOULDER FIELDS… Last weekend, I went on a randonée (is that not the best word for ‘hike’ ever? It’s totally reflective of what a hike should be- a random, delightful wandering through the mountains).  It was an overcast day, and it was COLD (it was even snowing up there a little!).  A few of us peaked Col Vert, at 1,766m, and on the way down a few hours later, we encountered a vast expanse of small to medium-sized rocks, on a slope going nearly straight down.  There was a tiny path off to the left where one could snake down, slowly… or, our guide told us, you could run down the boulder field with all abandon.  Everyone looked at him sheepishly and no one wanted to try it, because, to be honest, it seemed like you were asking yourself to get killed if you did that.  However, he took off at a full sprint down the hill, grinding stones beneath his boots and gaining (uncontrollable) speed until he safely reached the bottom, in one piece!  Still, everyone stood there with skepticism, and some girls headed for the modest path to the side.  “Wanna do it?” Delaney, one of my new friends, turned to me and smirked.  “Um…. Do I?”  But it only took us a few seconds to decide that we weren’t going to miss this opportunity.  The worst that could happen, I thought, was that I’d trip over myself and sprawl onto the rocks and possibly cut something open.  Alright.  Let’s do this.

It was one of the most exhilarating experiences, losing track of where my feet were stepping as I half-ran, half-slid all the way down that mountain!  Not gonna lie, I was definitely yelling for about half of it, and the guide had to “field” us at the bottom so we didn’t go too much further.  It was a risk that was well worth it!

Life here has presented so many risks…. And I’m learning to take them.  Growth happens outside of my comfort zone.  So when I’m presented with the opportunity to join a volleyball team, I do it; when I know there is an opportunity to go to a prayer night at Le Feu, I take it; when I need to do my laundry and must humbly ask for the favor of doing it at someone’s house, I ask for it.  I’ve always ended up feeling extremely blessed—I now have friends I run into in town that I have played volleyball with and laughed with (and last week I got invited to a home in Berlin by a fellow middle blocker!).  I now know the difficulties, and the joys, of connecting with the Lord through prayer in a tongue not my own, and oftentimes that experience touches my heart so deeply that it leaves me nearly in tears.  I now know an American missionary who is completely wiling to honestly share the joys and challenges of serving the Lord in this country.   God honors those who ruthlessly trust Him enough to take risks, be they big or small.

And as I keep taking risks, I’m picking up speed…. I’m starting to coast over these tiny boulders…. I’m running with abandon toward the Lord and the things that could have obstructed my way are now helping me run toward Him!

TREES ABLAZE… The trees are in no huge rush to turn here, and I am loving it.  Only now am I beginning to notice the dots of orange and red on the forest-carpeted foothills surrounding me.  I pass by a row of bushes every day as I walk the last of my hike up to Rabot; a brilliant, deep red has been slowly creeping down these bushes for a few weeks now.  The leaves are changing one by one; this is not a process that is at all immediate, but a process that works on one leaf at a time.  Each day, the bush looks just a little different.  I can’t help but think about my experience adjusting here in relation to those leaves.  In terms of the language, I really had to give up my hope that all would just click at once, or even that in three months I would be able to speak the language as fluently as I so desire.  Rather, I’m seeing that language acquisition comes with the one new word you learn during the lecture, the one successful exchange you have with someone at the bank, the one new phrase you recognize in conversation. 

Culturally, it’s individual experiences, like the prof arriving 10 minutes late to her own class, or the way you talk to the man at the market, or the way you act on public transportation, that help fill in my slowly-developing concept of this country and these people.  And spiritually, I see this vivid reality most clearly as God works on my own heart and changes or transforms my desires and my concept of Who He is.  In the short month that I’ve lived here, God has uncovered a lot in my heart that needs work and needs His Truth, including my impatience, my desire for control, my efforts toward comfort and non risk-taking, and my insistence upon knowing what He is trying to accomplish.  And yet, even as a broken daughter, I can already sense the transformation He is accomplishing as He changes the individual pieces of my complex heart.  I hope that one day, I’ll be able to stand back and look at a tree He has completely set ablaze with His beautiful Spirit. 

The color always starts with the leaves closest to the sky, closest to heaven.  The more I fix my gaze upon the Holy One, and the closer I draw to Him, the more He transforms me from the top down.