Il goût comme l'aventure.... ("It tastes like adventure..." --Delaney)

Life is always in transition here.  These days, I am experiencing so much, things that I always desperately want to write down, to remember.  I live moments with the persistently conscious desire to journal them later.  For awhile I felt a bit in a panic, like somehow this meant I wasn’t living in the moment, that I was constantly analyzing, that I was always trying to synthesize my experiences immediately.  However, I came around full circle.  Life, filled with beautiful moments I want to remember, is a beautiful life, indeed.  (from my journal, 10.20.09)

It’s taking place in my heart, in my head, in the way I am viewing this experience: change.  I’ve pulled through a lot of the uncertainty I was feeling about being here, a lot of the timidity with the language, a lot of the tension between missing home and really wanting to love and embrace my short time here.  I’ve thought so much, prayed about so many things….and it’s hard even now to update you completely on my life here as it is slowly, beautifully unfolding.  But lately, I’ve been thinking in images and metaphors; life has a poetic rhyme to it these days.  I hope I can convey just some of it to you, and I hope the Lord uses what He’s teaching me to encourage you.

FROSTED PEAKS…Yes, here I am talking about my mountains, again.  On Thursday I stopped dead in my tracks when I headed outside toward the city and saw the snow-covered peaks on the mountain range to my left.  For lack of words, it was stunning!  I literally covered my mouth, eyes open wide.  I had been waiting for this day when the first snow would appear, and it didn’t disappoint with its shockingly majestic aura.  Just as I swore I could never get tired of my view walking down to school each morning, the snow showed up; now the beauty is magnified.  It is altogether different and breathtaking.  And in a lot of ways, my Lord is revealing Himself to me in altogether different and breathtaking ways.  Just when I thought I had experienced something so completely rich in His glory and His grace, He takes what is beautiful and transforms it into new beauty.  For example, I am quite humbled and blessed by the many people He put in my life here to enrich my experience and to leave me quite UN-lonely.  I have an incredible network of friends going, international and French alike, whom I enjoy so much.   And yet last weekend, the Lord surprised me with three brand new American friends with whom I absolutely had a blast as we hiked in the Vercours mountains.  By the end of the day, I was joking and laughing with these girls like I had known them for years.  And early on, I found out that one of the girls, Emily, is a believer.  God is so good.

Or I think of the incredible support I’ve felt from my mom, dad, brothers, and friends back home.  People have been ridiculously good about writing to me (be it snail mail/email/facebook/comments on this post), and more importantly, good about letting me know they are praying for me.  I truly feel that God had given me so much blessing through the people I love whom I miss so much!  And then a surprise package came yesterday, with Jessie Elledge’s return address on it.  But not only was it from one of my best friends at Truman, but from about 15 other people whom I love so deeply!  Their individual letters of encouragement were truly savored yesterday on a park bench in a beautiful, serene corner of the city.  Their notes and gifts left me laughing, left me crying.  The Lord’s arms are wrapped around me tight these days.  He never ceases to astound me with how much He wants to love me, speak to me, and encourage me.

BOULDER FIELDS… Last weekend, I went on a randonée (is that not the best word for ‘hike’ ever? It’s totally reflective of what a hike should be- a random, delightful wandering through the mountains).  It was an overcast day, and it was COLD (it was even snowing up there a little!).  A few of us peaked Col Vert, at 1,766m, and on the way down a few hours later, we encountered a vast expanse of small to medium-sized rocks, on a slope going nearly straight down.  There was a tiny path off to the left where one could snake down, slowly… or, our guide told us, you could run down the boulder field with all abandon.  Everyone looked at him sheepishly and no one wanted to try it, because, to be honest, it seemed like you were asking yourself to get killed if you did that.  However, he took off at a full sprint down the hill, grinding stones beneath his boots and gaining (uncontrollable) speed until he safely reached the bottom, in one piece!  Still, everyone stood there with skepticism, and some girls headed for the modest path to the side.  “Wanna do it?” Delaney, one of my new friends, turned to me and smirked.  “Um…. Do I?”  But it only took us a few seconds to decide that we weren’t going to miss this opportunity.  The worst that could happen, I thought, was that I’d trip over myself and sprawl onto the rocks and possibly cut something open.  Alright.  Let’s do this.

It was one of the most exhilarating experiences, losing track of where my feet were stepping as I half-ran, half-slid all the way down that mountain!  Not gonna lie, I was definitely yelling for about half of it, and the guide had to “field” us at the bottom so we didn’t go too much further.  It was a risk that was well worth it!

Life here has presented so many risks…. And I’m learning to take them.  Growth happens outside of my comfort zone.  So when I’m presented with the opportunity to join a volleyball team, I do it; when I know there is an opportunity to go to a prayer night at Le Feu, I take it; when I need to do my laundry and must humbly ask for the favor of doing it at someone’s house, I ask for it.  I’ve always ended up feeling extremely blessed—I now have friends I run into in town that I have played volleyball with and laughed with (and last week I got invited to a home in Berlin by a fellow middle blocker!).  I now know the difficulties, and the joys, of connecting with the Lord through prayer in a tongue not my own, and oftentimes that experience touches my heart so deeply that it leaves me nearly in tears.  I now know an American missionary who is completely wiling to honestly share the joys and challenges of serving the Lord in this country.   God honors those who ruthlessly trust Him enough to take risks, be they big or small.

And as I keep taking risks, I’m picking up speed…. I’m starting to coast over these tiny boulders…. I’m running with abandon toward the Lord and the things that could have obstructed my way are now helping me run toward Him!

TREES ABLAZE… The trees are in no huge rush to turn here, and I am loving it.  Only now am I beginning to notice the dots of orange and red on the forest-carpeted foothills surrounding me.  I pass by a row of bushes every day as I walk the last of my hike up to Rabot; a brilliant, deep red has been slowly creeping down these bushes for a few weeks now.  The leaves are changing one by one; this is not a process that is at all immediate, but a process that works on one leaf at a time.  Each day, the bush looks just a little different.  I can’t help but think about my experience adjusting here in relation to those leaves.  In terms of the language, I really had to give up my hope that all would just click at once, or even that in three months I would be able to speak the language as fluently as I so desire.  Rather, I’m seeing that language acquisition comes with the one new word you learn during the lecture, the one successful exchange you have with someone at the bank, the one new phrase you recognize in conversation. 

Culturally, it’s individual experiences, like the prof arriving 10 minutes late to her own class, or the way you talk to the man at the market, or the way you act on public transportation, that help fill in my slowly-developing concept of this country and these people.  And spiritually, I see this vivid reality most clearly as God works on my own heart and changes or transforms my desires and my concept of Who He is.  In the short month that I’ve lived here, God has uncovered a lot in my heart that needs work and needs His Truth, including my impatience, my desire for control, my efforts toward comfort and non risk-taking, and my insistence upon knowing what He is trying to accomplish.  And yet, even as a broken daughter, I can already sense the transformation He is accomplishing as He changes the individual pieces of my complex heart.  I hope that one day, I’ll be able to stand back and look at a tree He has completely set ablaze with His beautiful Spirit. 

The color always starts with the leaves closest to the sky, closest to heaven.  The more I fix my gaze upon the Holy One, and the closer I draw to Him, the more He transforms me from the top down.

Une amie... (A friend...)

(Note to all: my lack of communication within the past week has KILLED me!  I can't even count how many times this week and weekend when I explicitly thought of an experience, or a person, or an insight that I desperately wanted to write down or share with you.  In reality, my week of "silence" is due to the fact that I was working diligently on two oral presentations that I gave to two different classes, back to back, yesterday afternoon.  Yes--it was just my luck that of all the days of the semester, the "exposées," as they're called in french, chose to become friends and be due the same day.  Thankfully, the Lord surrounded me with such peace and desire for diligence that I felt very prepared for both and I was received very well in both classes).

My recent thoughts, stories, and pictures will have to be postponed just a few more days until this week winds down.  However, I wanted to dedicate a brief post to someone whose birthday is in.... 2 minutes!

Elisabeth has been such an important addition to my transition here; she is truly the friend with whom I do "life" the most often.  I know I've mentioned her in earlier posts, but yet it's amazing how much our friendship has evolved and deepened in the month we've known each other.  I feel incredibly humbled to receive her as a friend for this brief semester-- for really, I do see her as a gift from our gracious Father.  The way our stories wove together is quite amazing, and the very fact that she is a believer is reason enough to believe that God gave me something very good when he put her in my life.

Elisabeth may come up to my shoulders in stature, but her enthusiasm for the little things in life far surpasses my own sometimes!  She is someone I feel "known" around, which is a very unique thing to find when you start completely over with friendships, like I did this semester.  She is very much a companion, a confidant, an encourager....and I'm finding myself more thankful for her every day!

Happy 21st Birthday Elisabeth Kress.... I thank the Lord for you every time I think of you!

Un regard vers le ciel.... (A gaze toward the sky...)

Yesterday, I profited from the amazing fact that I am living in the midst of three very stunning mountain ranges, and I went for a delightful afternoon hike.  Since it rained for a good part of Saturday morning, I popped out of bed for church on Sunday morning and headed straight for my window.  Throwing back the curtain, I surveyed the still-sleeping sky....and though the morning mist was still clearing and the sun had barely touched the tips of the mountains, I could tell it was going to be a very splendid day.  And that it was.

After church, I caught a bus that took me up and into the Chartreuse Mountains, whose round rocky peaks and densely forested hills sprawl out just behind Rabot.  From Grenoble, it appears that the Bastille sits on the highest point in that direction; I, however, had heard otherwise and was anxious to discover this ever-existing "presence" just over the top.

Zoe, a wonderful girl from Aberdeen, Scotland, planned the trek with me.  We met during a tour of the city our very first week, and somehow learned that we both enjoyed hiking.  Thus, a very unique and precious friendship formed!  It's amusing how randomly relationships form during a study abroad experience.

The day was perfect; we hiked straight--straight--straight uphill for the first hour, but my fresh legs, not to mention my excitement, made it hardly a strain.  The trees are in the throes of transformation, and with the striking blue sky always above them, the vibrancy of the contrast is gorgeous; I honestly wanted to take a picture every two minutes (I spared Zoe and did not).  The weather was perfectly crisp for hiking and there were never any fences along the edge of the ridge we were hiking along, so we got some great glances down the sheer rocky drop off.  We hiked along the ridge all the way to an old French fort named St. Eynard, where we enjoyed a simply breathtaking view of the surrounding mountains and valley.  From this summit, I observed a glider plane weaving just above us, a man who had a hiker's backpack designed specifically to hold a small child (and he was putting it to good use!), and best of all, a donkey.  We were glancing around and trying to find a better look-out when low-and-behold, there was a donkey grazing on the fort's roof!  No big deal.

We ended up taking a different route home and hiked all the way down into Grenoble, covering an altitude difference of 1140 meters (3740 feet)!  We passed by a lot of small farming villages and a few really charming villas.  The quiet journey gave me a lot of time to think, to pray, and to recite Scripture in my head, passages that I have memorized in the past.  When we finally got back to accessible trams and Zoe's house, I decided to finish the last leg on foot, and out of sheer determination, walked the three miles back UP the mountain to Rabot. ;-)  My legs ached last night, just a little.

This weekend, I plan to hike a different mountain range, Les Vercours, with a group of students from my University.  I'm going to try to profit as much as possible from this cheap, healthy fun, especially since it rejuvinates my spirit and gives the Lord opportunity to speak to my heart!

You are glorious and more majestic
      than the everlasting mountains. psalm 76:4

Savoir Vivre...

I just lived one of my best days yet in France!

Today, I visited a small medieval village an hour west of Grenoble called Saint-Antoine d'Abbaye.  Today, I walked around gathering walnuts, still in their shell, from under a walnut tree.  Today, I had a friendly french dog follow me around for most of the day, I ate the best pastry I've ever had in France, and I drove through some of the most beautiful countryside I've ever seen.  I lingered in a church that was constructed during the middle ages over a period of 300 years, and I visited a museum that documented and let you smell different scents and perfumes that people a long time ago used to heal, ward off sickness, etc.  I marveled at the little things and I was drawn into silent adoration of the Creator.  Today was certainly a gift.

More memorable still was definitely meeting someone affectionately known as "Granny."  Mme. G (I forget her full last name) is an older french woman with whom a friend in my program stayed with for three weeks while finding housing. Mme. G invited Renee and I to visit Saint-Antoine because she knew we were doing a presentation on it in one week, so.....

She was kind enough to drive us there.....and yet her kindness didn't stop there!  From the moment we stepped out of the vehicle and into the misty morning, she became our guide and commentary on the ancient village.  She taught me more words today than I'll ever be able to retain, enhancing my experience tenfold, and with her good nature and endearing quirks, she quickly became a very dear woman to me.  She is a 'grandma' in every way.  Her stature is condensed into a small, lean figure, but this woman is surely just as strong and in-shape as me! (which she demonstrated when she proposed we take a long, uphill walk on the outskirts of the town....gosh, the French, so with it when it comes to health).  She cut out some articles about Saint-Antoine for us to keep (something my Grandma totally does too.... ;)  She takes out her glasses to read things.  She made sure we paid attention to every little detail along the way.  Most surprising, she treated us to lunch,  even when we persisted in our refusal of such a kind offer.  Nevertheless...we dined in a courtyard right in front of the ancient church and enjoyed great salads, tasty traditionally french desserts (mine was an upside down apple tart) and even some white wine (my first!).  We had the most delightful conversation; this women was so eager to infuse us with french culture.  She told us a funny story, she explained a typical french meal (and the alcohol that accompanies it) and she taught us the very common french phrase "savoir vivre."  Straight translation yields "to know to live," but obviously it carries deeper roots, reaching to etiquette, politeness, right behavior, and good rapport with others.  But the most precious thing out of that dear women's mouth came midway through the meal, when we all mentioned how we felt badly for all the grammatical mistakes we no doubt were making in speaking with her.  She had so much patience.  Her response was frank, and simple: "Mais je vous adore!"  My heart wanted to melt.

So many more details I could relay, but pictures are more interesting than words.  I'll let them replace the thousands I'd like to write, as pictures are said to do so well......

 

humilité...

If there is one thing I am learning lately, over and over again, it is humility.  It's not a surprise; this is a lesson the Lord will always and continually teach me.  It is at the core of who He is and it is at the core of His vision for our lives as sanctified children.  It is essential in our pursuit of Him, essential in our ability to love others as He does.

I am learning humility through my simple and never-ending need to trust the Lord with every little detail as I take risks here....and those risks come daily, it seems.  I am learning humility when I misunderstand, like last night, when a friend and I showed up for a volleyball scrimmage with no clothes because we had thought it was just a meeting.  I am learning humility because I am realizing more and more that I really don't have as much control as I would like over my progress in French, the relationships I'm forming here, or even my personal sanctification in the Lord.  For all these things, God is longing for me to surrender them to Him.

Before I left for this semester, I read a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning.... some of you probably remember me continually using His title to describe my utmost goal as I entered this new chapter: I wanted to ruthlessly trust the Lord.   And in that, I knew--and am now first-hand learning--that humility is required.

Out of his book, a quote I'm reflecting on today:

The heart of humility lies in undivided attention to God, a fascination with His beauty revealed in creation, a contemplative presence to each person who speaks to us, and a "de-selfing" of our plans, projects, ambitions, and soul.  No longer concerned with appearing to be good, we can move freely in the mystery of who we really are, aware of the Sovereignty of God and of our absolute insufficiency and yet moved by a spirit of radical self-acceptance without self-concern.

Quelques petites choses... (A few little things...)

After looking at my last few posts and realizing I'm well on my way toward a novel just about the first three weeks here, I've made it a personal goal to write less and write more often.  We'll see if I can keep to it.

As I think back over the week and weekend, I can't help but realize that my life is still filled with "firsts," and as such, I thought I'd highlight some of my recent first experiences in France:

On campus, today..... first time I visited the University's arboretum, which is a lovely space filled with over 50 different varieties of trees

Aix-Les-Bains, Sunday....first time I've gotten stopped by a random French lady who didn't ask for directions, but on the contrary, asked if my friend and I wanted a tour of the historic 19th century palace in which she lived!  um, YES please.  It was a most random but remarkable of experiences!

La Spendide, Saturday....One of the palaces she took us into that was home to the oldest original, operational elevator in France... older than the one in the Eiffel tour!  It was gorgeous: the lift, made entirely of rich, elegant wood, glided (a bit unsteadily) up or down within a tunnel of iron grate, the ornate kind that spiraled into flowers and was graced with bits of gold.

Lyon, Friday....First try at ordering a main entree when I had no idea what it would be.  It looked interesting enough, and even after (mostly) enjoying it, I still had no idea what I had eaten.  A few days later, the identity of the mystery dish was discovered: blood sausage.  A bunch of pork ground up, mixed with pig's blood.  Alrighty then.  Every traveler has to have an experience like that, and I certainly can check it off my list now.  (I'm also making a list of things NOT to eat again.....'boudin noir' is number one. ;-)

Cathedral de Fouvriere (Lyon), Friday....First 19th century church I've walked into that was so stunningly elaborate.  Mosaics all over the floor, the walls, the ceilings.

Le Feu (the christian group for students), Thursday.... first time praying out loud in french with two french believers. A very humbling experience; a very encouraging experience.

Chambery, Saturday morning.... First time I've missed a train in Europe!  My friend Renee and I were headed to Aix-Les-Bains and the connecting train information was a bit ambiguous....we stood on the platform and literally watched our train leave! But the hour wait for the next one allowed us to wander into Chambery where there was a huge outdoor market.

Auberge de Jeunesse d'Aix, Saturday night.... first stay in a youth hostel!  It was a great experience and we had a splendid talk with the host and hostess before we left!

Hotel du Casino, Sunday night... First classical music concert in Europe, played by European musicians (Vienna Philharmonic soloists at THAT!), on European soil.  I can't describe how much music touches my soul or how ecstatic I was to listen to Xavier the harpist play a piece by Claude Debussy (my favorite composer, who is FRENCH!).  I wanted to die of happiness.

Forest area, Aix, Sunday.... First spotting of french boy scouts! Cooking sausages. ;)

Fountain in Aix.... the first time I had the pleasure of filling up my water bottle with water straight from a public statue/fountain!  Aix-Les-Bains is home to thermal springs, and thus to good fresh mountain water that they indicate you can drink!

Tonight.... First time I'll go to bed before midnight in quite a long time.   I'm quite worn out from this past week/weekend!

Good night, friends.  Your prayers and comments get me through the many ups and downs of adjusting to my new life here, so thank you again, from my heart.

Mon residence en haut.... (My dorm up high....)

After cooking dinner last night, a few friends and I discovered that right outside the hallway window on the second floor of Rabot, you can climb out onto a gravel-covered landing, which is the roof of the cafeteria!  It’s completely safe and better yet, it offers the most spectacular view of the city at night.  From as far left to as far right as the eye can see, the city stretches out underneath us, a sea of old buildings, an expanse of tiny lights.

I’m quite overdue in creating a word-picture of where I am living this semester!  Though at times le Residence du Rabot is inconvenient due to it’s location on the side of a ridge, my friend Elizabeth and I agree that there is nowhere better to live.  I am extremely fortunate that, after a long day, I can reach the top and anticipate being greeted by a wonderfully refreshing breeze, as well as the opportunity to gaze at the city and, just above it, the mountains that border it on every side.  It even makes the 15-minute hike up 150 meters (about 500 feet--I consulted Google Map) worth every step!  But even the walk up is lovely—first, an ancient set of stairs, and then a winding road through the forest toward home  (check out these pictures…I tried to capture each “stage” of my walk up, more or less.... the first one is taken from the other side of the river, and that's the bridge we take to get to the stairs.  you can actually see MY building in this first picture: it's the small one above and a little left of that first long building in the trees... you're a champ if you followed that ;)

 

 

Rabot is actually a cluster of five buildings, and about 500 students live up here.  They stuck a lot of international students in this dorm because it’s cheaper, but there are a good number of French students up here too!  I live in a building called Chartreuse, named after the set of mountains just behind us and a well-known liquor famous to the area.  Unlike the main city of Grenoble, everyone up here says hello to each other in passing.  You’re also bound to meet more people in the kitchen than anywhere else in the building. ;) And you'll see just as many black and grey cats lurking around as you do people, sometimes.

Since it used to be a French fort, I love the old stone walls and the amazing view that I have from my window of the even older Bastille.  The Telepherique are glass gondolas that you can ride on to get to the Bastille, the highest point in Grenoble, and we always joke about buying a year pass so that when we get close enough, we’d jump to the rooftop of Rabot.  If anything, earlier this week Elizabeth and I had a good laugh about throwing our groceries and laundry from them….

My room is all to myself, and just enough space I need for what I brought (which isn’t much!). I have a wall separating my main space from a small nook where I have a sink and a mirror, as well as a small closet.  In the main area I have a teeny refrigerator, a huge desk, which accumulates piles of brochures like dust, and an equally huge bookshelf.  One shelf is my ‘pantry,’ another, for my books and folders, another, for my toothpaste and hair ties.  It is quite the split-personality bookshelf.  But my favorite part of my room is the window: two large, white panes swing out to welcome in the fresh air, and I almost always have them open!  If you're looking to be amused today, you can watch the video to the right.... I made it for my family.  Excuse the drying laundry and the 'roller coaster' film job....the cinematography is a little lacking and I take on a ghostly appearance at the end, but all the same, I thought it would be fun to share with you where I live!

I’m thankful that I brought just enough pictures from home to make my space feel quite comfortable and cheerful, but I’ve also been accumulating brochures from different things I’ve done/visited and have a collage started on the wall above my desk.  I’ve started to put up a few passages of Scripture in French.  I also found these gorgeous greeting cards at my favorite bookstore in town with incredible pictures and awesome French quotes on them by different philosophers and writers.  I didn’t want to buy them because they were really expensive, so I actually grabbed my favorites and took a picture of them in the store, in a corner…. haha don’t tell!  I simply wanted to remember the quote and write it down, but still, I felt like a really bad person!  So those quotes are hanging in various places around my room too.  Here’s a good one.... translated from the french, so it's not quite as beautiful (you’ll probably have heard them all by the end of my semester):

The child walks joyfully, without thinking about the path ahead; he believes it to be infinite, seeing not the end.

Alfred de Musset, French poet and novelist

I’m trying to see through the eyes of a child while I’m here.  I’m trying not to think so hard about the ‘end’ I have in mind for this semester, which involves lots of different expectations for myself in terms of language, relationships, and even spiritual growth…. I simply want to love the journey, and rejoice in what the Lord brings me every day!   Still, letting go of expectations is really hard for me to do.

There are a lot of different grassy areas around Rabot with equally spectacular views of different parts of the city and mountains.  I’ll never, ever, get sick of these mountains, and you can expect that I’ll write about them often.  Three mountain ranges surround Grenoble, and especially in the morning, experiencing the Lord’s glory is simply unavoidable.  From my window, the mountains to the west catch the first rays of sun as her brilliance slowly uncovers each peak from the top down.  On nice days like today, the rising sun silhouettes the mountains to the east, which I stare at as I walk downward toward school, but individual rays sometimes escape upward and make these mountains glorious.  The sky to the south catches the rosy beginnings of the day, and the mountains often sit serenely in a mist of blues and purples; it always seems like the scene of a painting. 

It’s all breathtaking to me, really…. yet maybe even more than that, it’s breath giving.  That is, I truly receive life and joy and peace from the Spirit of God simply when I look at those mountains.

A picture is worth a thousand words?  For me, these pictures represent a thousand prayers of adoration to a Beautiful God.

these were all taken from my dorm window ;-)